Monday, December 1, 2008

Cinco de Drinko: December 5th

We all have the holidays on our minds these days. We have even had informal debates on adding a Barack Obama Holiday even before he has done a thing. You also have Pearl Harbor Day on December 7th. Leaving Thanksgiving behind and looking forward to Christmas in the next few weeks leaves us all a little winded but there is a small movement that is growing to add another holiday, even if unofficial, that I think deserves it due.

On December 5, 1933 the Volstead Act was repealed and the 18th amendment designed to keep America sober finally had it's last call. There is a small movement amongst the cocktail crowd in some of the large cities in our country to promote it as a drinking holiday. I haven't heard much of it in good ole KC.

The Volstead Act went into effect in January of 1920 and ended when the unlikeliest of states, Utah, even voted to ratify the change and pushed it over the 3/4th majority. So this is a big anniversary. This is the 75th anniversary of America getting to drink again. This is reason to celebrate. Find your favorite watering hole this Friday and tip a glass with friends, even buy a stranger a drink, to celebrate Repeal Day.

Can you imagine life without alcohol? Can you imagine how many single people there would still be without the aid of drunk goggles and unprotected sex?

Believe it or not I wrote a term paper on the Volstead Act in High School. I remember interviewing my grandmother for it and asking her how things were during prohibition. I remember her saying matter of factly, "It was hell trying to get a drink" She lived in rural Nebraska and they made a little beer for their own use which was allowed but it wasn't lost on her that alcohol was a treat. On the other side of the coin Grandpa was a 20 plus year, never recovered, functional alcoholic. He basically drank and smoked himself to death.

I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly... --Ron Burgundy

From the sublime to the political it wasn't America's parched thirst for a cocktail that finally proved to be the end of Prohibition it was revenue. Scads of tax and excise revenues were being lost and gangsters were lining their pockets. Oh that law of unintended consequences.......We were in the Great Depression and democrats and republicans alike liked the idea. Idealistic Republicans favored the idea with returning liquor tax revenue as a replacement for the income tax and democrats liked it as a huge pot of money to expand government spending. New Deal Democrats won.

So, raise a glass to Repeal Day on December 5th, did I already say that? Maybe I'm drunk. I was trying to think of things that might have happened or not happened if we had not repealed Prohibition in 1933. Here are 11 that I thought of...........any suggestions?

1. Ted Kennedy would have been elected President of the United States. Another holiday idea is Mary Jo Kopechne Day or the day one woman sacrificed her life so rest of us could be saved.

2. We would have never had the "Bob Newhart" drinking game and thus probably no "Bob Newhart Show". The college drinking game of the 80's that required people to drink every time someone on the show said, "Hi, Bob" which resulted in many missed classes.

3. Millions of ugly women would have stayed single.

4. Country music would suck even worse.

5. Boxcar Willie might have been Janitor Willie.

6. Golfer John Daley would have won 10 majors, crossed over to successful music career and sold millions of exercise videos.

7. No "Girls Gone Wild" videos

8. No Charles Bukowski -the barfly poet of Skid Row.

9. There would be no movie classic "Cocktail" with Tom Cruise. What would we do without all that liquor flaring and neon behind the bar?

10. Delta House would have been a model Fraternity and Neidermeyer would have been a movie hero instead of John Belushi's Bluto.

11. Jack Daniel would just be some idiot with 2 first names and Jim Beam would still be a nobody.

I found this site which is a good resource for lots of drinking games should you and your friends run out of things to talk about or your Bunko strategy goes south.

And then there are these great quotes about drinking that I stole off the internet.

Sometimes I reflect back on all the beer I have consumed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - by Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - Frank Sinatra

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. - William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools - Ernest Hemingway

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. - Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. - Anonymous

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls. - Ross Levy

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch? - Tee Mans

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life. - Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. - Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? - Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! - Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. - Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. - Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose. - Jack Handy


Anonymous said...

Party on SoJo-beer and boys go hand in hand. It cleanses the soul and the colon too. Cheers to you from WI...A HUGE consumer of beer and wine and whiskey old fashions.
Your pal, anonymous
not to be confused with alchoholics anonymous

JOCOeveryman said...

Rock on my friend in WI. Love your comments. You are in the brandy belt up there.....biggest brandy consumption is America one pint at at time. I think they must run the snow machines (mobiles) on them up there.

jocosob said...

Only if you could tie it to Festivus.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Being from Wisconsin myself, I can attest to the benefits of brandy for all that ails you ...

Good thing I moved tho or I might not be alive to write this post ...

On wisconsin !

JOCOeveryman said...

I love Festivus.....for the rest of us.

SFRBV said...

Due to extenuating circumstances, I'm afriad I cannot celebrate on Dec 5 and will have to postpone to Dec 6. Is that ok?

Also, where did Red Bull originate? What do you think grandma and grandpa would've done with a red bull/vodka combo?