Monday, January 4, 2010

Everyone is Sick......

I don't know about around the country but in Johnson County including my house illness in the form of the stomach bug has been rampant. I've heard of it from many different families.

Holy cow. It. comes. on. quick. But it also leaves pretty quickly. Everyone felt much better after only 36 hours but not completely better for about 4 days.

I don't mean to share the nasty details but for the sake of science I'll share. Kiddo Two got it first and started puking hard and shitting like a sick goose at the same time. You could tell the kid was really hurting. Kiddo Two couldn't hold ANYTHING down for the first 12 hours. No fever. Just horrible digestive problems that kind of double you over. A couple days later Kiddo Two was seemingly getting back to being a regular spunk but without much appetite.

Just about then the Wife and I went out on the town thinking Kiddo Two could be trusted with a BS and we did a little drinking. You know the kind you do like at a Fraternity party where you hope to lucky later. Moderate but persistent. Well, we drink too much and fall asleep before the kiddos go to sleep. Okay....I fall asleep. Some lover I am.

In the morning, Wifey is definitely sick. I assumed she was being a weenie about her hangover and was demonstrating a serious lack of sympathy. Of course she informs me it was I who drank too much and fell asleep..........that she was ready for action......except now she had the same bug from Kiddo Two. Exact same drill. Hurl. Shit. Hurl. Shit.

Kiddo One comes down with it shortly after. Trying to explain to her that being sick is a process and she'll feel better in 24 hours is like trying to reason with Tom Scherer (a filed candidate for Congress who is busy making America a better place) about the law. Now I've got basically 2 fully sick people and one who is just starting to feel better but still a little cranky.

I was simply glad for one of the first times in my life that I didn't get lucky the night before because I knew if I had I would get it for sure. I stupidly assumed that I must have the immune system of Superman and that since I didn't have it yet.......I wouldn't. I move to the guest room just to be safe.

Just as everyone else is rounding the corner I find out this bug is like Kryptonite for Jocoeveryman. After a night of serious Mexican food and large beers on my stomach the bug bit me. I hurled and hurled and shit and shit. A goose had nothing on me throughout the night. Every hour it seemed on the hour I spent at the shitter. Being last at least I had the sympathy of all those who had gone before me...............well, my wife was still a little bitter that I at first thought she was just hungover and told her as much........bad idea......but she was better to me than I deserved.

Well, if you want to shrink your stomach and start the New Year out on forced starvation......this stomach bug might be the plan for you. Good little weight loss plan.

Hope the rest of you avoided it but based on what I've heard from others..........probably not.

If you are bored......go back to work or whatever you need to do...... is a little video Jocoeveryman Digression............... I dare you to watch.

Okay, where was I during this whole 2 girls 1 everything craze..........???? Guess it shows you how lame and out of touch Jocoeveryman really is.........

This airplane one is actually pretty funny. Must see.

I was just looking for some video of puking..........and I found this whole thing. These were like a couple a years ago. Finishing up with another 2 girls reaction video.

Yes, I'm a sick man.


Anonymous said...

Really? The videos?? That is horrible. That bug you are talking about. Turns out a relative spread it to my family. Luckily for me I do have an iron stomach and did not get it, yet...

Anonymous said...

Ewwwww......jocoman.....that is sick. I must admit you can take a subject and really do something with it.....what I'm not sure.

Winston said...

You've hit a new mark.....not sure if it is a new high or low. Pretty funny take on getting sick I must admit. Love your work Everyman.